Truth is subject to too much analysis.

So today I was about to tell someone they should definitely be writing a blog when I realised that I shouldn't be telling other people to post, I should just be making myself do it.

I want to feel awful that I haven't posted on here, haven't even tried. But the problem is I don't. It's like any other thing I say I love, anything else I attempt. I usually give up and, unfortunately, it's classic Psych 101 as to my reason.

If I don't try, I can't fail.

If I don't try, no one can ever tell me I'm not good enough.

I went to an audition this week for a very popular music TV show that airs near Christmas. I didn't get picked (TV producers, *sticks tongue out*) but I was so pleased I tried. For once, I actually tried.

But then I got to thinking.

• I picked an obscure song.
• I didn't have on an ounce of make up, or do my hair.
• I wore my work jeans and trainers (which are not exactly flattering or fashionable).

It makes me wonder whether I subconsciously sabotaged myself; I knew I wouldn't get picked, so I picked a bunch of other things I could blame it on when it didn't happen.

Urgh. Sometimes I hate psychology.

Until next time.

If one dream should fall and break into a thousand pieces, never be afraid to pick one of those pieces up and begin again.

So, it's been about four and a half months since I posted here.

I think that must be a record.

I changed jobs and moved AGAIN so life's been a little mad, although, since it always seems to be like this, maybe I should just get used to it. I'm now settled (I think) and have no particular plans to go anywhere anytime soon.

I'm not going to make any promises to myself with this new post, I just want to see how it feels to write again. I realised I haven't written creatively in almost a year and that's kind of depressing. I still call myself a writer and a singer but I haven't comitted any real time or effort to either endeavour for a very long time.

Maybe this blog can simply serve as proof that I haven't given up. I've been feeling a little lost lately, not really sure who to be without poetry, or music, or academia, and I want something to show that I am attempting to find the person I want to be again. She's still around, and I'm pretty sure she's just fighting against my inherent laziness to get out.

Until next time.